Beck Anstee's invitation is awaiting your response

Beck Anstee would like to connect on LinkedIn. How would you like to respond? Beck Anstee Master of Science candidate at DePaul University Graduate School of Nursing Confirm you know Beck You are receiving Reminder emails for pending invitations. Unsubscribe © 2014, LinkedIn Corporation. 2029 Stierlin Ct. Mountain View, CA 94043, USA

I'd like to add you to my professional network on LinkedIn

I'd like to add you to my professional network on LinkedIn. - Beck Confirm that you know Beck Beck Anstee Master of Science candidate at DePaul University Graduate School of Nursing Greater Chicago Area You are receiving Invitation to Connect emails. Unsubscribe Learn why we included this. © 2014, LinkedIn Corporation. 2029 Stierlin Ct. Mountain View, CA 94043, USA

A serious validation of Facebook - "We Love Jenna"

Jenna and her family - Summer 2012

I grew up being sent to a very large Evangelical Christian church.  This was before the mega-churches that exist today.  Jenna is the younger sister of two of my peers from high school youth group, church, summer camp and High School.  She was always very cool. Not in an elite sense but fun and funny and outgoing.  She is only a few years younger than I am and is the proud mama of 3 kids today.

Jenna has been fighting pancreatic cancer over the last couple of years.  She was treated with a good outcome but the cancer came back with a vengance.   I don't know her prognosis but Jenna has publicly shared her struggle on Facebook and via the CaringBridge forum (what a wonderful use of technology). 

Jenna is in hospice care and down to approximately 70lbs.  70lbs!  A human skeleton - it hardly resembles her.  I recognize her by that crazy hair!  During Christmas she asked for prayers so she could muster strength to attend Christmas service with her family. She made it!    But her end is eminent and her time here on earth is a matter of days, weeks if she's lucky. 

Jenna's high school BFF (Tara) started a closed Facebook group called "We Love Jenna".  Many people from near, far, past and present have posted comments about their fond memories of Jenna so Jenna has them around her in her final days and moments. It kills me.  I'm not close with Jenna nor her family.  I know her from my youth as kids and her family as well. Although we aren't tight we go waaaaay back. 

I love the idea of using Facebook as a progressive tool so Jenna can read, for herself, the good memories people have of her.  It has messed with me.  The true destination of "say it to my face".  And how lucky WE are for that.

The difficult part for me in all this is accepting the fact that there is no rooting for Jenna.  There is no encouraging  or hoping for her recovery. She is going to die.  Very soon. Her young children are watching their mother emaciate away... slip away on the recliner.   This conjures debilitating sadness in me.  But Jenna does not feel this way.  When newly diagnosed she admits to 5 minutes of sobbing asking "why me".  After the tears  exhausted, she had a moment of clarity and said "why not me?"  I do not like this sentiment but Jenna has a great point.  She can do it.  I just don't want her to!   I'm amazed by her strength, peace and grace.  Jenna Mitchell.  Mark's and Sarah's little sister, Andrew's big sister.  Daughter to Leith.   Back in the day, who knew her life would end this way.  Jenna, skinny legged and crazy hair.

Each time I check my Facebook messages I'm haunted that I will be informed of her passing.  I love and hate Facebook. 

I haven't found the right voice for my feelings.  I struggle for words to say to Jenna.  In this paralysis I feel saying something is better than nothing.  So I say it plain:  that I'm thinking and praying for she and her family.  I suck. 

Please remember Jenna in your prayers. 

20

Life, real life, a full life is crazy.  It changes all the time.  These last two years have been the bearer of many big life events; selling a house, Aislin hospitalized, moving, going back to school, applying and getting into graduate school, my sister having a sudden brain aneurysm, the death of a different sister and then this past May, suffering a herniated disc.  Lots of things out of my control.  As imagined I put on some fat. I intentionally did not use the word "weight". That accompanied the fat gain but I was still very strong and competing in Olympic lifting.  At the end of August I decided I had some time I could dedicate to myself.   After losing 20lbs, I participated in a Body composition class at Windy City Crossfit. 1 hour 2 x a week. That's it.  The results are posted below.  I am in my undies people, but honestly does it look that much different than a bikini?  I don't think so.  I post these not to taut any kind of superiority but rather to show strength and to mark the new beginning.  The fat accumulated with all the stress from the past two years is pretty much gone.  I've learned to deal with stress better and to appreciate the journey I'm on and the goals that seem just a hairs breadth out of reach.   I am strong and can string together about 3 chin ups.  My body fat is around 14.5% which I'm told is pretty good. Cellulite, stretch marks and stretched out skin from having babies remains.

I continue to work out, started to train Parkour and will be getting back into Olympic lifting as soon as I think the ol' back is ready.  I'm feeling good and deal with back discomfort nearly every day.  I get Active Release Therapy via my chiropractor which has been immensely helpful (and expensive, sigh).   It's the muscles attached near my spine and hips that are too tight and cause problems.  I am disciplined to never play the pain med game for this old back. But that was the domain in which I was headed. I took hold of the wheel, turned hard and decided to steer where I wanted to go, not where circumstance has led me.

In January I begin Graduate Nursing School at DePaul.  Instead of being worried, I am so excited to learn and am ready to grab it by the horns and enjoy the journey.

In Strength and Intention,

Shout out to Roxanne Engstrom for taking the "hot" photos.  She rocks and can take some hot photos of you too!

End of Aug 2012

After losing 18 lbs - about 16.5% body fat

20 lbs down after body comp class.  No dietary restrictions.

Girl Scout Cookie Sale

Both of my daughters are selling Girl Scout Cookies for the first time.  Orders will be taken until Jan. 25th.  Please support my girls and the Scouts!  If you don't eat the cookies, buy some for your Mom, Dad, Grandparents, Coworkers or boss!  They'll love you for it!   $4 per box..  You can also donate a box of cookies. They will be given to Yellow Ribbon Operation Moms & USO Navel.

Girl Scouts of America advises to receive payment up-front if possible. This is preferred and appreciated.  Check can be made payable to:  Girl Scouts GCNWI.   Thanks for considering!  Distribution is Feb. 17, 2012.