Monday, August 25, 2008

Crazy *^$@ Drivers

While driving down a single lane urban street (Montrose) I almost brought the smack down to the driver in front of me.

We all space out from time to time and are late to accelerate after a red light turns to green. For this we are, usually, given a honk. Not an angry honk - just a "wake up" honk. There are impatient jerks that give the angry honk. Rejects!~ I wait a solid 5 seconds before I honk in a friendly case. And today was no different. But my politeness failed me. Miserably. Driving in front of me was one of the most self absorbed, crazy idiots I've ever encountered on the road. She was driving an early 1990s make deep red mustang. She was late taking off from every light, every stop sign and swerving in her own lane. This wasn't just a one-time, few seconds thing. It went on and on. Even after a few cars behind me honked at her, she continued with the same erratic and unpredictable behavior. She rode the brake continually. What the heck was wrong with this person? She was READING.

Yes, folks. Her eyes were clearly visible to me from her rear view mirror. They were certainly not on the road. And not just when she was at a light. She would accelerate and her glance would not change. She'd swerve, stop 20 feet before a stop sign. It felt endless! I had a construction tractor behind me who was giving her little honks to get moving. Nothing like being in the middle of an idiot driver and large construction vehicle with a claw!

She was driving like there was no one else around. Like her actions affected no one else. If she was reading something juicy or good, then she must have decided to read it twice. After 2 miles of this crap, I decided to stop the denial and take matters into my own hands. I dug deep. In my Mom-mobile, Subaru Forester, I laid on the horn and yelled out my window "YOU'RE GONNA KILL SOMEONE, STOP READING!". To this i was greeted by both her hands (printout attached) waving her fists at me. OOOO bring it on lady, I'd like nothing more than to kick your self centered, crazy butt! I, intentionally, drove out of my way to get away from this crackpot. I'm so glad I did.

Now for all you prudes out there. This was not anger, it was righteous indignation. Seriously, it wasn't emotionally driven, it was logical. This time.

Snaps to Leon Ryan who made this tee design at the top for

Beware the justice-seeking Mom-mobile.

Thursday, August 14, 2008

Running in Polyester

Last Thursday I joined a herd of Elvis's in running 3 miles along Chicago's beautiful lakefront. At the end the organizers had peanut butter and banana sandwiches - which I tried for the first time (not bad - taste like childhood - but I've never ate it back then), there were also bagles, mini organic cupcakes (read: which are overpriced and would never buy but delicious and they allowed to have more than 1) and then washed it all down with my free Goose Island 312 Beer. The greatest part, besides running along the lakefront with my friend and fellow Mama, Laura Studee, is that somehow, we were at the very front of all the food lines! Wow we must have had some FAST running times. I'm glad because the tee shirts were crappy this year. White and only "adult sizes" - no girly cuts. Sometimes life just works out that way. It was a gorgeous evening and I rode my bike 7 miles downtown as well as the return trip. I need to get some blinking lights for my self. It's dangerous out there without 'em. I met up with my old friend Jim Madsen whom I've known since church sunday school days at the Northside gospel center and high school (that's us above - I think he secretly wants boobs). We all run in polyester shirts these days as they are "wicking". It makes a difference, but they stink up pretty fast. I wonder if Elvis knew polyester would be the technical, future fabric. Perhaps he was testing it in all his jumpsuits for the Secret Service. hmmm

Monday, August 4, 2008

McGyver at the Tender age of 2

It's August in Chicago. That means that it's hot, really hot - and humid. On days like this the TV goes on in our house and remains permenantly on PBS Kids. It's an outright battle to peel the kids away from the tube for menial things like, food. They argue, cry, etc. I've done what the smart moms have done for eons; turn off the TV to go out or do something fun. They turn it back on. I turn off the power to the entertainment armoir (sounds like a kinky room - "entertainment armoir). But both kids have learned to turn that back on. Finally, I pulled out the armoir, and yanked out the plug entirely. Guess what, a little 5 year old arm learned how to plug it back in. I know this not because I saw her do it but because I, all of a sudden, heard the TV back on. Such a sneak.

Now, my 2 year old hasn't mastered replugging in the TV (thank goodness). But she has mustered all the electronic and electrical knowlege she has. She took out the cables to the Wii and plugged them into the TV thinking it would make the TV go on. Wow, I was impressed. I shouldn't be surprised when she starts stripping cables and hotwiring our car.