Gimme Steak

I'm the small one.

I’ve been a fraternal twin my entire life. When a kid, I asked for a bike as a gift. I added that it wasn’t “expensive” to my mother. She would respond “you can’t get a bike! I’d have to get two, one for you and your sister. And that’s really expensive”. Some of you may think having a twin is a wonderful experience. I thought it stunk. I was never singled out. I was always compared to my twin, always had to share or be thinking about sharing. Especially on my birthday. I wanted to be my own person. I thought time would sort out my twinness and I’d be individually fussed over some brilliant day.

When I got married I thought people (friends, family, co-workers) would kinda make a big deal out of it. Out of me. Afterall, many had a big deal made for them when they married. I felt it was a right of passage. This wasn’t my personal experience. No surprises. No extra special gifts of sentiment. No one came in from out of town to see the newborn. Generosity from some family but no "specialness". I don't want to sound ungrateful. I'm grateful! It was weird.

I felt optimistic to that I would enter this “right of passage” when pregnant with my first child. I was attending Fashion Design School and working hard as a leader in a church ministry. (I had tons of friends and multiple social circles. One of them had to do something special). No special sentiments or parties. I thought "It must be me". I had tons of friends and couldn’t understand why I watched others (less likeable) enjoy surprise bridal and baby parties showered with blessings, heirloom quilts and hand-made gifts. I made hand-made gifts for others all the time. I guess I just wasn’t worth it. People just didn’t feel that way about me. I didn't know how else to "understand it". I know I may sound ungrateful but I'm not. I wasn't "fussed" over. Maybe that was too much to ask?

October 4 marked the beginning of my 36th year. My beautiful daughter, Indigo, greeted me after school exclaiming “hello birthday girl”! She touched my soul. Later that evening I was surprised to see many girlfriends gathered together for a special dinner. Rob did it. Wow, something that required significant organization (sorry if that sounds crass). We had fancy food, endearing sentiments and touching hand-made gifts! Woohoo, finally a proper partay. (My friend, Cyndi, organized 90 upper grade school children (my Artsmart students) in writing birthday cards to me. All individually crafted, hilarious and colorful). No new baby, no impending marriage. All this simply because I was born 36 years ago – an insignificant age. It’s true what they say when you’re not looking: great things happen. I’m glad I wasn’t too jaded not to enjoy it. It was a blast! I will always remember and cherish this birthday. And that’s not a medium-rare occurrence – that’s rare - and will be savored. It's nice to be fussed over at least once in life. Once a year would be great. Maybe from now on it will be on my OWN birthday.

*Due to a lost camera and our own camera malfunction I don't have photos of the party to share. Sorry!